We were in the back yard doing our family thing when suddenly three masked men came around the side of the house. They had guns and started yelling out orders to get into the house. The girls screamed and ran to us, but one of the men cut them off and corralled them together.One was in charge and had us all gather on the deck with our darling naked girls separated from us.“Well will you look at this. We got us a family of nudists. We got a big blonde with impressive tits, a baldy with a firecrotch and a little Mex. We got little girls and babies. Man, you have been a busy motherfucker. Literally!” #1, the leader laughed at his own joke.“Now, let’s all go inside and settle down. No one gets hurt if you do what we say.”I looked into his eyes. I don’t think he liked what he saw.“You are not going to try anything funny, are you? I would really hate it if you caused us to harm these fine-looking pieces of ass or these virginal little girls.”“Paul don’t do anything. We will do what he says. Instead I 'borrowed' the only snow sled ever sold in H-town from a bawling toddler and went zipping down the hill like a scene from Cool Running. Exhilarated I arrived at Naked Truth HQ. In a pretentious display of class the company's name was written in crayon on yellow construction paper then taped to the trailer's door. Climbing two broken steps, I entered the door with a broken hinge. (Wasn't that a Hardy Boys novel?) Inside I was greeted by some dude looking like a down-on-his-luck George 'Goober' Lindsey. Continuing the class motif he was wearing a pale-blue leisure suit.In an accent reminiscent of Foghorn Leghorn he said, "Y'all come on in here. It's as cold as a well-digger's ass ain't it, y'all? You must be Gaping?" Not yet," I quipped nervously. He guffawed."If you ain't funnier than Larry the Cable Guy!" Was that meant as a compliment? He continued, "I'm Cal Zone, proprietor of Naked Truth. Sorry for the mess but we've been busier than a one-legged man in a.
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